'--Act I--

~1~

The stage is lit red. Two demons walk onto the stage. One (Phlostigon) is bedraggled and discouraged looking. The other (Slyss) is erect but not smiling.

Phlostigon (Looks around, holds his nose.) This place is not so bad. You almost get used to the smell after a while. And it only sears your skin if you actually touch the walls or the ground.

Slyss Admit it. Anything is better than having Michael and his crowd pounding your head into mush.

Phlos. Must you remind me? At least we are rid of them.

Slyss Rid of them...you mean driven out, banished to this hellhole.

Phlos. (With feeling) We will return! We will once again inhabit the heavenlies!

Slyss (To himself) Not with geniuses like you in charge.

(Enter Borgon)

Borgon Does this place ever stink! I bet Phlostigon is here somewhere.  (Sees Phlostigon and Slyss) Hah! Just what I expected!! Hiding out, slacking, running away. (Walks over and rubs Phlostigon's head.)

Phlos. Ouch, that's still tender!

Bor. Soft in the head, like everywhere else, I see.

Slyss (Whispers to Phlostigon) Say "Michael."

Phlos. What? Michael?

Bor. (Greatly alarmed) Where? Where?? (Hides behind Phlostigon) Save me!!

Slyss (To himself) How did I get mixed up with this crew?

(Enter Satan, a proud but tormented spirit)

Satan Kneel, dogs!! (All kneel, Slyss only after some hesitation) Beaten!! Beaten every way, beaten up, beaten down, beaten in the attack, beaten in the retreat. Beaten when we went out and beaten when we came in. But we shall recover and win in the end!!

Slyss My lord, we cannot win.

Satan What!! You challenge my invincibility?

Slyss No, lord. I simply point out that we are outnumbered two-to-one. We are spirits like them. In a straight fight, we lose.

Satan More cowardice? I see that none of you have the wounds I have. I am the only one who has any stomach for a fight, it seems.

Slyss No, lord. It is only that you are strongest among us, and could resist longest. We were cast aside, while you retained your dignity even when you chose to withdraw.

Satan (Mollified by the flattery) Well, if you don't counsel cowardice, what is your plan?

Slyss Deceit and striking at weak points.

Satan But they have no weak points! And they know...everything!

Slyss Not them, my lord. The humans. They—they are young and inexperienced. And they may have a weak spot. Perhaps we can cause their creator to destroy them, or if not, perhaps we can induce them, of their own free will, to return our possessions that were so unfairly stolen.

Satan Hah! We were driven off the Earth so the humans could have it. Would it not be ironic if they gave it back to us? Tell me more of your plan. (Satan and Slyss walk off the stage whispering confidentially, followed by Phlostigon and Borgon.)

~2~

(Stage lit with white light. The Son of God is standing in the middle of the stage.  Enter Michael, who comes in and kneels before him.)

Michael Sir, we have won!

(The Son quickly goes over to him and lifts him up from his kneeling)

Son What's this kneeling? Get up! (Embraces him heartily, raises his hand.) Give me five!

Michael What? Five of what?

Son Don't worry about it. You'll understand some day. But you are to be congratulated. You led the troops! You bore the brunt of the attack! And you suffered the most, like a good leader.

Michael You honor me beyond my due.

Son I only honor what you do, and you do it so well that much honor is due.

Michael Sir, why do you make your words jump through hoops like that?  I don't understand.

Son Ah, well, you know I am fond of words.  I am the Word after all.  But this is just humor.  Your sense of it is not yet well developed.  The humans will have plenty of it; learn from them.

Michael Indeed, sir, I have much to learn, and perhaps even the humans will be willing to teach me.  But my warrior heart will not settle easily, now that the enemy is defeated.

Son Oh, don't worry, there's plenty to do. They're defeated, but not destroyed.  There will be more work, and honor, for you.  But there will be tasks that even you can't do.

Michael Lord! You know I would do anything for you!

Son Yes, you would do anything you could. But there will be some battles....There's one fight where even you won't be able to help me.

Michael You mean that you will enter the battle yourself?

Son Yes, Michael. And I will be defeated.

Michael Impossible!

Son But you know that my Father and I can do the impossible.  And we will make it possible for me to lose this battle.

Michael I don't understand!

Son Indeed you don't.

Michael But Lord!  Can I not know more?  My heart longs to look into these things!

Son You will be one of my chief warriors in the coming conflict. But my Father has decided not to reveal the full strategy of the war until the right time.  For now I send you, Michael.  Go and protect God's people.  Battle the enemy whenever they get too close.  Be strong in the strength of His might!

Michael Thank you! I go joyfully at your command, Lord!

(Michael leaves energetically.  The Son follows more slowly, thoughtfully.)

--Act II--

~1~

(Slyss, Phlostigon and Borgon are standing in a huddle, fanning themselves and holding their noses. Enter Satan, triumphant, with cross, held by short end.)

Satan I have done it!!! I have deceived the humans into rejecting their creator!! And I have come back with a treasure!!!

Slyss, Phlos. and Bor. Hail!! Hail conqueror!!!

Slyss But what is this treasure? I hadn't heard of anything of that sort.

Satan It is this! (Satan holds the cross by the short end, like a sword.) It is the greatest weapon of mass destruction anyone will ever see!!!!

(Borgon walks over and looks at it closely without touching it)

Bor. It doesn't look like much to me. What good is it?

Satan What good is it? What good is it? Have you forgotten whose side you are on, my all-brawn, no brains friend? It is NO GOOD AT ALL!!!! It is total destruction, total harm, total evil!!!

Bor. (dismissively) I'm not impressed.

Satan Well, shall I give a demonstration?

(Holds up the cross, pointing the long end at Borgon.  Borgon starts to choke, gradually falls to his knees gasping. Finally Satan, in a dramatic gesture, averts the long end from pointing at Borgon.)

Satan Does that impress you? I am sorry I can't give a full demonstration, but I expect to require your services, minor though they may be, in the future.

Slyss (Looks bewildered) But what is it?

Satan Do you want me to say its name? Do you want to hear the nastiest, most sickening, foulest word you will ever hear? Do you want to hear a word so obscene that it will burn like sweet fire on your lips?

Slyss, Phlos. and Bor. Yes! Yes!! Say it! Say it!!!

Satan (dramatically) It is Death!!

Slyss, Phlos. and Bor. Death! Death!!! Death!!!!

Bor.  Now we have the power to fight!

Phlos.  Now we can win back our world!

Slyss Death shall be our victory!

Satan In that name we will conquer!!!  We go forth NOW to reclaim our kingdom!

(Satan holds up the sword and they all yell "Death" repeatedly, then they run off.)

~2~

(Normal lighting)

Satan Your plan worked wonderfully, Slyss, and I have Death in the bargain. We are now rulers of the very planet we were thrown off of so the humans could have it.

Slyss Yes, but I'm worried. I hear rumors of a counterattack. And there are the so-called people of God, they are still around.

Satan Yes, they are. I just can't seem to get rid of them somehow. I thought it was the end of them when Babylon destroyed Jerusalem. Yet there they are, back in Jerusalem again.

Slyss I think the Romans will do them in. They'll do something stupid like rebelling and every Roman legion in the Mediterranean will come down on them like a pile of bricks.

Satan Now that would be entertainment. And I'd really get to use my favorite toy. (Holds up the cross by the short end)

Slyss How's that working out for you?

Satan It's great! (Whirls it around like a sword for a while) I'm getting good with it! I can kill with disease, with famine, with injury, with murder, with animal attacks, with drowning, with earthquake, with fire, and, my favorite of course, with war. But most of the time I just wave Death in their general direction and say, "Die however you like." And they kind of fall over after a while. My big problem is not to get so carried away that we run out of them. Then we'd have nothing to play with. Oh, by the way, that counterattack you were talking about? I think it's already happened.

Slyss  (Anxiously) What do you mean?

Satan Oh, I believe that the Son himself has decided to, well, I don't know how to say this.

Slyss What? What???

Satan It's indecent!

Slyss What? The Son has done something indecent?

Satan Yes.

Slyss Don't leave me hanging. What did he do?

Satan I can't figure it, but … I believe he's gone and become a human.

Slyss (Totally astonished) What????? You are kidding me!!

Satan No, I have no sense of humor, as you should know by now.

Slyss But it's simply impossible! He can't do it!!

Satan So one would think. But that's not the worst of it.

Slyss  What? What do you mean?

Satan I really don't know how to say this. It's...it's really too much. I thought I knew obscene, but....

Slyss Just tell me. You know I'm your trusted adviser.

Satan  It's just so hard to say. It's how he became a human.  OK. (Takes a deep breath) He was born.

Slyss  (Long pause) Haha...I thought you said he was born....What an idea.

Satan That is what I said.

Slyss You mean...with a woman and all that....

Satan I don't know about all that, but a woman was definitely involved.

Slyss You. Are. Kidding. Me.

Satan How many times do I have to tell you that I don't have a sense of humor.

Slyss But it's easier to believe that you've somehow developed one than to believe that he was born. This has got to be the most sickening thing I've ever heard. It's a good thing we don't eat.

Satan Take my word; I didn't understand it, believe it, or even want to know about it. But I had to check. And it's true.

Slyss This is his counterattack?  To be born as a human?

Satan So it would seem.

Slyss So incredibly vile and disgusting.  Do you have a plan on how to stop him?

Satan I was thinking I would use your plan.  Deceit.  Looking for the weak spot.

Slyss Yes, he is human now.  But he is not easy to fool.

Satan I don't have a better idea, do you?

Slyss No.  This is so surprising.  There must be some way to use this against him.

Satan What can have made him do it?  It's so unspiritual.

Slyss I think they have a word for it: love.

Satan I don't really know what that word means.  It even sounds nasty.

Slyss I don't know what it means either, and I don't want to find out.

Satan I mean think about it.  Actually caring about the good of another.

Slyss Sounds like a form of insanity to me.  My own good, that's what's important.

Satan You mean my good, Slyss.  I'm your Lord, remember?

Slyss Of course, Lord.  I was speaking in relative terms only.

Satan I would ask what you mean by that but I doubt you would tell me.

Slyss (To himself) You got that right, buddy.

Satan What was that?

Slyss I said, “You are always right.”

Satan I'm sure you said something a lot like that.  Well.  I must go try my wits with this Son of God who thinks he's a human.

~3~

(Satan and Jesus stand on a somewhat dark stage, taking up ritual fighting poses.  In what follows, Satan will try to strike Jesus with a blow.  Each time, as he strikes, he will say one of his lines.  Then Jesus will block the blow and reply.  When he does, he will strike Satan and Satan will be knocked down.  Then Satan will get up and try again.)

Satan (Striking at Jesus) Turn the stones into bread, Son of God!

Jesus (Blocking Satan's blow)  Man does not live by bread alone, (Strikes Satan, knocking him down) but by every word from the mouth of God!

Satan (Stands up, striking at Jesus) Throw yourself down from the temple!  For he has promised to keep even your toe from striking a stone, lest it be bruised!

Jesus (Blocking Satan's blow) It is also written (Strikes Satan, knocking him down) You shall not tempt the Lord your God!

Satan (Slowly standing up, then gathering all his force and striking as hard as he can) I will give you the entire world for your kingdom if you will worship me!

Jesus (Blocking Satan's blow) It is written (striking Satan a seemingly gentle blow that knocks him across the stage into a heap) You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him only shall you serve!

(Satan limps away.  Michael and any spare angels you can scrape up come and surround Jesus)

-- Act III --

~1~

(Slyss, Borgon and Phlostigon are standing on the stage.)

Phlos.  I wonder how Satan is doing.

Slyss He had a good chance.  Humans are not too smart.

Bor. Brute force.  That's the surefire way.  None of this sneaking around probing for weak spots.  That's all talk and no action.

Slyss It's that “all talk and no action” that got us here on Earth instead of the middle of hell.

Bor. You got lucky.

Slyss You are too dumb to even know when you have lost.

Bor.  And you stop fighting before you've even started.

Phlos.  Gentlemen, gentlemen.  Let's remember that we are on the same side, at least for now.  Assuming Satan survives, he is still our lord.

(Satan enters, barely dragging himself in, limping, wounded)

Satan I have indeed survived, and I am still your Lord.

Bor.  (looking at Slyss) No thanks to you!

Satan Slyss has failed.  He will be punished.  He will not soon forget his punishment.  Like I will not soon forget the punishment I received by following his advice.

Slyss I did not advise....

Satan  I tolerate no excuses.  You lost.  You suffer, as I did.

Slyss No!  No!!! I did nothing...I saved us from hell!  We are here because of my strategy!

Satan Borgon, remove him.

(Borgon grabs Slyss and drags him off the stage)

Satan I will deal with him later, when I have recovered enough to be able to punish him properly.  But now, we must plan a new strategy to meet the Son's counterattack.

Phlos. We have been talking about this.  We think...we think his becoming a human....

Bor. We think he goofed.

Phlos. We think this might be...this might be an incredible blunder on his part.

Satan Oh, come now, let's not fool ourselves any more than we already have. He never blunders.

Phlos. But think about it. He's a human. And what's your favorite thing about humans?

Satan They die. (Pause) Oh!!! You may be on to something there!!!

Bor. Why not give it a try? The worst that can happen is that it won't work, and then we will be no worse off than we are now.

Satan What a great idea!!! He goes to all that trouble to become a human and what happens? He dies! It might actually be funny enough to make me develop a sense of humor after all!! I will give it a try right away!

~2~

(A dark place. Jesus and Satan stand facing one another. Jesus looks calm, peaceful. Satan is intimidated. He holds Death in front of him. Jesus stands unmoving.)

Satan Well, the moment I've been waiting for! Here you are, at my mercy!! And I have none!!! Ever since you kicked me out of heaven I have hated you and everything you have done. Now I get my chance to take revenge!!! And you are a puny, weak human. You won't serve me, you won't fall to my temptations. But you will fall to brute force!

(Satan hesitantly thrusts Death toward Jesus. Jesus remains unmoving. He starts to swing it at him, then stops. He pretends to strike Jesus with it. Jesus remains unmoving throughout. Satan takes a deep breath. Then he thrusts Death at Jesus. Jesus grabs onto Death as it sticks into his body, and falls. Satan is surprised that he has killed Jesus and he lets go of Death. He reaches over to get it back. He pulls at Death a little, trying to pull it away from Jesus. Then he gives up.)

Satan Aagh!! I don't need it now anyway. I've killed the son of God. If I can kill the son, I can kill the father. I am the most powerful being in the universe!!!

(Satan exits.)

(The stage goes dark. It gradually lightens, then goes dark. Then it lightens again, then goes dark. Then as it lightens the third time, Jesus stands up. He is holding Death, now turned upside down, as a cross.)

Jesus Father! I'm alive again! And I have Death as my prize! Your plan worked perfectly! Now nothing, not even Death, can separate anyone who believes from our love! Death, you have no dominion any longer. Death, where is your victory now? Death, where is your sting? You are my prisoner! You are swallowed up in victory! And through you now comes eternal life!

(Jesus exits.)

~3~

(Michael is standing in the middle of the stage.  Enter Satan, who is surprised to see Michael.  In the following conversation, Satan grows increasingly angry and agitated, while Michael retains a half-amused casualness.)

Satan You!  What are you here for?  To serve me?

Michael (Casually) Hardly. And it would go hardly with you should you try to make me.

Satan (Annoyed) What do you mean by this nonsense?

Michael Oh, nothing, it is just humor.

Satan I have no sense of humor.

Michael Nor much of any other kind, apparently.

Satan What are you talking about?  I killed your leader, the son!

Michael Oh, that.  All planned from the beginning, of course.

Satan What?  More nonsense!

Michael  (Casually) Not at all.  You've lost.

Satan I've won!!  The son lies dead!!!

Michael Satan, buddy, come over here and let me show you something.  Don't worry, I won't bite.  That's no longer necessary.

(Satan approaches Michael and they peer off into the distance as Michael points)

Satan Noooo! It can't be!!! It's some foul trick!!! I killed him!!!!

Michael Yes you did, and he asked me to express his appreciation.  He's a little busy himself right now, giving his disciples their final instructions.

Satan But Death—my super-weapon...

Michael Don't you understand?  Of course you don't.  Death was God's idea.  It was the only way to take the humans out of themselves. But the only problem was that once they got out of themselves there was nowhere to go. So Jesus—the Son—went on the other side. Now when they make that great leap into the unknown, he's there to catch them and welcome them into a new and better life, if they want it.

Satan It can't be!!

Michael Maybe you didn't hear what he told them.  Your super weapon, Death? He's tamed it so much that he tells them to take a dose of it every day.  “Die daily,” he tells them.  And they do, and when they do they escape your clutches, and they live forever to God.

Satan  (In despair) Beaten...defeated at the last...(Pauses) But my hate is still strong.

Michael (lightly and sweetly) But your time is short.

Satan Then my wrath shall grow to compensate.

Michael And yet everything you do will further not your own purposes, but the Father's.

Satan Fie!!  Leave me!!! Get out of my sight!!! (Satan runs off)

Michael  (Strongly and with exultation) Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!

Glory and honor are due to you, because you were slain and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and tongue and people and nation.

You are the first and the last, the living one.  You died, and you are alive forever, and you have the keys of Death and Hell.

In you is life, and that life is the light of humanity!