Note: This is part of my attempt to get my more creative posts off of facebook and onto my blog where they belong.
The collapse of the Middle Post Roman Era civilization was so complete that archaeologists are still trying to figure out what happened. Recently fragments of a manuscript were unearthed in what appears to be a building devoted to the storage of Middle Post Roman Era papyrus. Many of these papyri have disintegrated beyond restoration but many are still capable of giving new information. This is an attempted restoration of the first part of the manuscript.
… I am a [manuscript indecipherable] from the [country? city?] of Oosaah. This describes [indecipherable words including the phrase “hunting” or “running” and “season”] that occurs every four [years? hours?].
The [residents? citizens? slaves?] of Oosaah are idolaters. They believe in the [deity? demon?] Demos. Their entire [recreation? society? football season?] is organized around consulting the oracle that gives the [command? voice? word?] of Demos. They consult this oracle constantly. But during the [hunting? selection? holy?] season they make a great number of costly [sacrifices? NOTE: some have conjectured that the word “advertisements” is the proper translation here, but that seems highly unlikely] to the [deity? demon?] Demos. Vast amounts of [money? time? paper?] are consumed by this process. Eventually there is a kind of [orgy? celebration? vacation? holy day?] on which the [command? voice? word?] of the oracle is officially enshrined in a [result? poll? ballot? victory?]. Whoever the oracle names is given the [office? power? buck?] of the [deity? demon?].
The [high-priest? demi-god? anointed one? sacrifice?] named by the oracle then serves [generic masculine singular pronoun, i.e. “his”, though not all who are named by the oracle are male] [sentence? term?] as the [representative? scapegoat?] of Demos. A person in this position is called a demotic. Demotics are arranged in a hierarchical order — though every demotic ranks higher than any non-demotic [resident? citizen? slave?] of Oosaah. Once a new demotic takes [power? office? money? sex?], immediately the other demotics begin either praising or castigating this demotic. All demotics belong to one of two groups and each demotic praises his own group of demotics while castigating the other group.
In general the primary [sport? entertainment?] of Oosaah is to join with one of the two groups of demotics in either praising one’s own group of demotics or castigating the other group. Also, most of the people of Oosaah make [petitions? appeals? demands?] of their group of demotics to give more food, or money, or some other benefit for which they worship the [deity? demon?] Demos.
Demotics speak a different [dialect? language?] from the average [resident? citizen? slave?] of Oosaah. A priestly class exists to interpret the demotic utterances. Formerly these interpretations were written on cheap, flimsy paper called newsprint [Archaeologists have discovered large quantities of newsprint in ancient land-fills. Interestingly, this newsprint is often completely legible, though it remains mostly incomprehensible. Oddly enough, it is often covered with organic matter resembling nothing so much as fossilized guano.] Currently newsprint is mostly replaced by [light? video? sight? Unfortunately archaeologists have not been able to discover any examples of this in the land fills.]
Just as the [residents? citizens? slaves?] of Oosaah praise or castigate a group of demotics, these priests also do so. However, because they serve a priestly function, they generally make every effort to encourage trust in the demotics and loyalty to the demotic class. Demotics who give the most largess to the people of Oosaah are also given special preference by the priestly class. And most important, those demotics who support [reproductive? sexual? orgiastic?] freedom are given special preference in the pronunciations of the priestly class and are granted immunity from the consequences of their actions, while those demotics who reject such freedoms are castigated by the priestly class at every opportunity — though when another [resident? citizen? slave?] of Oosaah attempts to replace the demotic, the priestly class will generally support the demotic already in [jail? office? desk? pharmacy?].
[Manuscript breaks off here. Remaining fragments are under study.]