I had set out to see the King in Pamf, to ask a boon. For the King’s hands were healing hands and his subtle knife cuts away evil. And the King’s throne was deep in the realm of Pamf.
And many were the minions of Pamf that guided me as I took my chariot into the deep underground places where the chariots of travelers were kept.
And I wandered through the many-storied lands of Pamf and came at last to the hold of Osteo. But I found that the King I sought did not reside in Osteo. And I was sore disappointed. For I was told that the King resided in Sporm, and the way from Osteo to Sporm was long and difficult.
I walked for many a league. All unknowing I wandered from the province of Lee through Jamplis and past the mighty fountains that marked the boundary of Wells and Urban. Finally, crossing Urban with difficulty, I found myself before the entrance to the great and mighty realm of Clark.
Before setting out on my long journey from the realm of Osteo to Sporm, I was told that messages would be sent to Sporm heralding my arrival. And so in hope I came at last to the heights of Clark, the glorious realm of Sporm.
And the servants there were kind and asked many questions regarding my health, but the messages from Osteo had not come to them. And I grieved greatly, fearing that the King would not see me. But the minions of Sporm assured me that the King was merciful and he would see me in due time.
And at last I was ushered into the sacred Room wherein I would be seen by the King. And the King himself entered with a kind demeanor. And the King probed the place where I was wounded with wise fingers, touching the heart of my injury and, it shames me to say, eliciting from me a loud cry. And the King pronounced that a tear existed in the fabric of my being, and that his utmost effort would be required in order that the tear should be healed.
And the King said that without the oracle of Mri I could not be healed. For the oracle of Mri sees into the depths of one’s inner self, causing the very particles that make up the fabric of the flesh to cry out their secrets. But the oracle of Mri was in much demand for it gives wisdom to all those who would heal the inner flesh. And long I waited and suffered the agonies of my wound.
And at last I came to the oracle of Mri. And the cave of Mri caused me terror for I feared that I would be swallowed up, but I was allowed to leave my head outside the cave as the oracle peered into my flesh. And the sound of the oracle of Mri was a great roar and one that the unprotected ear could not withstand, so I was given protectors and soft music was played to disguise the roar of the oracle, and yet it did give me much discomfort.
And the oracle of Mri sent messages to the King to guide his fingers and his subtle knife. And the oracle of Mri sent me forth to await the summons of the King.
And the King studied long the messages the oracle of Mri sent. And the King was indeed sure that his wise fingers had probed the mystery of my wound, yet the messages of Mri could guide his knife in the cutting of the evil and the sparing of the good.
And the King summoned me again. And he told me many fearful things about the erosion of my flesh and bones and he explained many deep mysteries. And the King told me that he could not yet use his subtle knife to heal my wound, for the Anas Theologians had declared me anathema. For the holy life inside me surged with too great a violence and unless it were curbed, I risked upheaval in my very heart. And without the ministrations of the Anas Theologians, I should be unable to bear the agonies that the King’s knife would bring upon me.
And the King called to his aid a Duke in the province of Jamplis. And I retraced my steps, but became lost, and the Duke had set a date for his audience that gave me little time to make the great trek in my wounded state.
And a kind minion of Pamf guided me with his wisdom, and others aided me along the way in their sympathy for my wound. And I came at last to the strange realm of Jamplis and sought out the Duke of that realm.
And a minion of that Duke did confirm the fierce surging of the holy life within me. And she cautioned me that I was subject to many invisible evils and counseled me that I should receive the sacred Tapd. And I agreed that I would receive the sacred Tapd but I would not allow her to give me the unholy Flu, for I was greatly afeared that the Flu would allow entry to the very bane against which it claimed to protect.
And finally the Duke saw me. And he remonstrated mildly with me concerning many things in my flesh that did not yet hurt, as I knew he would. And he threatened me with the dreaded Scope that would penetrate to the bowels. And I did turn aside his threat with a jest.
And he said that many Dukes of his rank would tyrannize those who came to them, but he would not do so. And he told me that the Ace would gently calm the surging of the life within me and he did speak to me in soothing and comforting tones. And he did order many oracles on my behalf.
And he did send me to the place where the holy life itself is called forth as an oracle. And the one who evoked that oracle did work with extreme skill to find the source of the holy life so that it could be called forth. And he required only a single stick to do so, while many in my recollection used many sticks many times and many places seeking the oracle of the holy life.
And I was sent to the occult realm of Ekg. And the minion there did cause me to disrobe and placed mysterious sigils on my body, and these sigils were connected to an arcane reader of the oracle of the Ekg.
And the reader of the oracle of Ekg did quickly draw mystical lines. And the hooking up and the disconnecting of the sigils did take much longer than the reading of the oracle and I was surprised.
And the minion did disavow any ability to understand the oracle, but the oracle sent its messages to the Duke of Jamplis. And I was told that I must return in some days to the realm of Ekg so that I could be given a potion to inflame the heart, and the oracle of Ekg would determine if my heart could bear that burden. For usually great feats of endurance would be used to inflame the heart, but my wound prevented me from such exertions. And I feared little since I had often so exerted myself, yet indeed I wondered if my heart were still able to bear what it could bear in my youth.
And thus I was sent from the realm of Pamf. And I mourned greatly because the King could not use his subtle knife to heal my wound. And yet I hoped that the ministrations of the Duke of Jamplis would soon calm the surging of the life within me so that the Theologians of Anes would lift their anathema and give me the balms and potions that would allow me to bear the knife of the King.
And I was told to seek from the Alchemist the mighty Ace potion that would begin the calming of the holy life within me, and I was told to consult daily or even more often the oracle that would tell me how fiercely the life surged within me.
And the King did counsel me that I should bear the pain of my wound until he could heal it with his subtle knife, for the potions made from the poppy were deceptive in their enticements, bringing slavery to those beguiled by them.
And so I wait.
Here be a Legend unlocking the Mysteries of the strange Places and Things mentioned in this History.
- The Empire of Pamf — The Palo Alto Medical Foundation.
- The King — Dr. Warren King.
- The subtle knife — arthroscope
- Osteo — The Osteopathy department.
- Sporm — The Sports Medicine Department.
- Clark, Lee, and Jamplis — Buildings on the Palo Alto Medical Foundation campus.
- Wells and Urban — Streets on the campus.
- The Duke of Jamplis — primary care physician
- Oracle — a test.
- Mri — MRI.
- Ekg — EKG.
- Sigils — the things they stick on you so the EKG leads can be connected to you.
- Inflaming the heart — a cardiac stress test, can be done with a treadmill or with drugs
- The oracle of the holy life — blood tests
- Tapd — Tetanus, pertussis and Diphtheria vaccine
- FLU — flu vaccine
- The dreaded Scope that penetrates to the bowels — Colonoscopy.
- The Anes Theologians — Anesthesiologists
- The too-fierce surging of life within — high blood pressure.
- Alchemist — Pharmacy
- ACE potion — ACE inhibitor blood pressure medication.
- Potions made from the poppy — narcotic painkillers