An edge. A step or two. Jump. Fly. Why not? Think of the fun. There's life. Or death - what's the difference? Whirling incoherence. Can I master it? Name it? Stop the whirling? Whirl with it? Navigate eddies? Currents? Join the dance? Make it serve my will? Can I name the stars? All of them? Find peace from familiarity? But familiarity casts out fear And fear brings frenzy. Is that fun? Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. If I can If the universe does not slap me down If it approves of me. Ride the wave Master the turbulence Be more than I can be Rise to the occasion. But what do I want to do? A goal is just an end Death Or you start again. A thrill-ride You get off and rush Sisyphus-like To get on again. Incoherence. Thanatopsis. Bear starboard a little. Off the port bow - rocks of insanity. How do I know? Have I been here before? Is this the ship of death? The last voyage? Will irony envelop me--- Too reserved to seek a goal, too unfocused to reach one? What am I doing? I really am crazy. Addicted to the twang of nerves Sirenic vandalization of tranquility. I need not do this But the sea-nymph's song is always there The lure of infinite joy The reality of infinite pain. But maybe Just maybe I'll get it right This time. - March 2019